Parenting Children with ADHD challenges

Webinar Transcript

Introduction and Overview of Executive Functioning

Victoria Bagnall: Good evening, everybody, and thank you so much for joining us for this webinar with Connections in Mind and ADHD 360. We are going to be talking about parenting children with ADHD. I would like to introduce my co-hosts and collaborators, Phil and Lisa, who will be taking us through this evening. Phil, would you like to start us off with an introduction?

Phil Anderton: Hi, I’m Phil Anderton, Managing Director of ADHD 360. We specialize in the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of people with ADHD across the lifespan, from age 4 to 76. We currently manage around 1,200 patients, carry four NHS contracts, and see private patients as well. I have worked in the ADHD field for 20 years. Twenty years ago, I met a fantastic clinical professional who shared the same goals and passion for ADHD care, Lisa Mangle, and together we set up ADHD 360.

Lisa Mangle: Hi, I am the Clinical Business Director of ADHD 360. My role is entirely patient-focused, assessing, diagnosing, and treating patients across the lifespan. I worked in the NHS for many years before co-founding ADHD 360, and I am incredibly proud of the care we deliver.

Victoria Bagnall: Thank you both. My name is Victoria Bagnall, Managing Director of Connections in Mind. We are an organization dedicated to raising awareness about executive functions—the brain processes located in the prefrontal cortex behind our forehead. Executive functions help us regulate emotions, inhibit responses to triggers, manage time, stay organized, and handle daily life requirements. Executive functions are not fixed; strength in these areas fluctuates based on sleep, nutrition, exercise, and stress management. Today, we are focusing on parenting children with ADHD, and we encourage questions from our audience.

Focusing on Strengths and Islands of Competence

Phil Anderton: To kick off, one concept I learned years ago from Dr. Bob Brooks in America is the importance of identifying a child’s “island of competence.” As parents, it is easy to become ground down by daily struggles, meltdowns, and challenges, losing sight of the young person at the center. Bob Brooks highlights that we must find what a child is genuinely good at and passionate about, and nurture that come what may. Creating opportunities for joy and confidence helps balance the heavy strain of ADHD-related difficulties.

Lisa Mangle: That is a vital point. When assessing children, clinical evaluations naturally touch on difficulties, but I always start by asking young people what they excel at, their hobbies, and their strengths. Research indicates that by age 12, a child with ADHD may receive up to 20,000 more negative comments than their neurotypical peers. To maintain healthy self-esteem, a child needs roughly ten positive praise comments for every negative remark. Identifying and building upon their strengths is essential for effective reward systems and emotional development.

Phil Anderton: Self-esteem often plummets from around age six in children with ADHD because they frequently receive subtle or direct reprimands in structured environments like classrooms. If we do not actively bolster their self-worth, they lose belief in their own capabilities.

Lisa Mangle: Exactly. When evaluating young people, few report feeling confident relative to their peers. Yet, individuals with ADHD are often remarkably creative, dynamic, outside-the-box thinkers who become highly successful adults when nurtured properly. Parents must act as their child’s advocate, understanding the cognitive strain their child faces daily and providing unwavering support.

Understanding Masking and School vs. Home Behavior

Victoria Bagnall: From a neuroscience perspective, executive functions function optimally only when a child feels safe, secure, and supported. If a young person feels constantly criticized or overwhelmed, their ability to regulate emotions and manage responses is severely depleted.

Phil Anderton: A common issue parents face is when a school reports seeing no signs of ADHD, while the child experiences severe emotional dysregulation, anxiety, or meltdowns upon returning home. This discrepancy often occurs because the home is a safe environment where the child feels secure enough to drop their guard. At school, children frequently expend tremendous energy “masking”—working exhaustingly hard to fit in, stay out of trouble, and meet expectations. By the time they reach home, their cognitive energy is completely drained. When schools claim a child does not show symptoms, parents can document home behaviors via video or written logs to discuss with the SENCO. Furthermore, a child achieving average grades at school may still be performing well below their true intellectual potential due to unmanaged executive function challenges.

Lisa Mangle: Conversely, some children exhibit significant behavioral difficulties at school but fewer at home. This often happens when school environments trigger overwhelming anxiety, or when a child lacks the working memory and processing capacity to follow instructions, leading them to act out rather than admit they are struggling.

Phil Anderton: It is important to emphasize that clinical diagnosis guidelines locally and internationally do not require school agreement or acquiescence for an ADHD diagnosis. Diagnosing ADHD is a clinical responsibility, not an educational one. While school observations provide helpful context, a lack of teacher awareness should never block clinical assessment or appropriate treatment.

ADHD Presentation in Girls and Internal Hyperactivity

Lisa Mangle: Female presentation of ADHD is frequently overlooked because girls often exhibit internal hyperactivity rather than overt physical disruption. For those interested in learning more, I highly recommend Understanding Girls with ADHD by Dr. Patricia Quinn, which includes diagnostic questionnaires tailored for females. I also recommend Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson, which provides actionable executive function strategies for teenagers and parents. In classrooms, hyperactivity in girls or non-disruptive children might present as frequent trips to the bathroom, sharpening pencils repeatedly, leg-jiggling under desks, or subtle fidgeting. Teachers may view these as random habits rather than signs of underlying restlessness. Furthermore, internal hyperactivity is often described as having “20 browser tabs open in your mind simultaneously.” Switching rapidly between thoughts makes it difficult to process sequential instructions or present chronological accounts of events, which can be misconstrued as dishonesty when it is actually a working memory and processing challenge.

Brain Chemistry, Neurobiology, and Treatment

Phil Anderton: At a neurological level, ADHD is rooted in neurotransmitter function and neural signaling within the prefrontal cortex. The brain relies on precise chemical and electrical interactions. Medical treatments for ADHD adjust key chemical levels to optimize prefrontal cortex functioning, improving focus, impulse control, and executive processing. While medication delivered under expert clinical care is often the most effective intervention for core symptoms, it should be integrated into a broader management framework that includes lifestyle modifications, executive function coaching, and supportive therapies.

Supporting Executive Function Development and Autonomy

Victoria Bagnall: Parents often wonder how to guide teenagers who struggle with organization or distraction, such as keeping numerous tabs open or managing screen time. While parents naturally want to prevent mistakes, imposing rigid commands often leads to friction. As expert Dr. Russell Barkley notes, parents are facilitators and shepherds rather than engineers. Our role is to provide safe boundaries, explain rationale, and help young people develop self-evaluation and decision-making skills. Allowing children appropriate autonomy helps them recognize how choices impact their focus and emotional regulation, empowering them to self-advocate effectively as they grow.

The ADHD Management Triangle: Diet, Exercise, and Sleep

Lisa Mangle: ADHD is highly hereditary—more so than eye or hair color. When assessing a child, we frequently evaluate siblings and parents as well. Supporting a child effectively often requires addressing unmanaged ADHD in parents first so the family unit can thrive.

Phil Anderton: To manage ADHD successfully, families should establish what we call the “ADHD Triangle,” consisting of three core lifestyle pillars:
• Diet: Optimize nutrition, address gut health, and reduce excessive intake of caffeine and sugar, which can exacerbate physical restlessness and anxiety.
• Exercise: Regular physical activity naturally elevates neurotransmitters that support focus and mood regulation. Exercise is essential for burning off excess energy and maintaining executive function efficiency.
• Sleep Hygiene: Quality sleep is critical. Poor sleep severely impairs emotional regulation and cognitive function. Establish strict sleep environments: eliminate screens, gaming consoles, and televisions from bedrooms, use blackout blinds, and maintain consistent wind-down routines.
Without these three foundational elements in place, therapeutic and pharmacological management will be significantly less effective.

Practical Strategies and Parental Leadership

Victoria Bagnall: To summarize key takeaways for parents: practice empathy by validating your child’s feelings during moments of dysregulation to help them calm down and process emotions safely. Normalize imperfection by sharing your own struggles and mistakes to demonstrate that failing or finding things difficult is a normal part of life.

Phil Anderton: Parents must maintain consistent, calm, and structured adult leadership—what we refer to as the CRAFT model: Consistency in rules and routines, Rigor in maintaining boundaries, Adult Leadership without losing control of your temper, Fairness and firmness in expectations, and Temper Management to model emotional stability. Resources such as the book and course 1-2-3 Magic provide practical tools for maintaining calm control without resorting to shouting or punitive measures. With appropriate clinical support, lifestyle adjustments, and empathetic parenting, every child with ADHD can be supported to reach their full potential.